Well hello there! Yes it has been 5 months since I have written anything and it has been way to long. I would blame the busyness of being a new mom but really It’s just the more time goes by the more there is to share and I don’t even know where to start! But for the sake of going in order I’m going to share a little bit of our beginning days with Eli. The last entry was a few days before his due date so I’ll start there.
We found out our birth mom Lacy, was going to be induced on february 18th so we got all of our things packed and headed up to San Bernadino that night. We went to visit her late that night to show our support but knew we wouldn’t see any progress till the next day. We barely slept that night (and by we I mean me). Steven has the supernatural ability to sleep in and during all scenarios. We got a call later that next day saying that they weren’t seeing enough progress and they were going to do a C-section right away. I was about 20 min from the hospital and they were prepping her. We rushed to get there and I got there just in time to make it in the room with her so I could see him be born.
This moment was too big for me to process. I got my silly gown, hair cap, and shoes on and waited to be called in. I wasn’t sure I was the right person to be there with her. Of course I wanted to see my son born, and will be forever grateful for that opportunity, but I wasn’t sure I would know how to comfort her the way she needed and meet my son all at the same time. I’m still not sure I comforted Lacy right in that moment but she was so brave and showed her true strength in such an emotional time. I saw them pull out Eli and there are no words to describe what I felt. He was right there, he was real, and I loved him. The nurses brought him over to Lacy and she kissed him and I kissed him, and there was no doubt how much this baby was loved. The nurses weren’t sure how to deal with our special situation so we had grace for them while they looked for us to lead them in what to do. I walked with them as they took him to be looked over and was frantically looking for steven in the hall to introduce him to his son, and right as we were turning the corner the elevator opens and theres Steven, hamburger in hand, looking confused that it all happened so fast 🙂 We stood there with our faces pressed to the glass as they did there routine checkup.
Was he really ours?? Was he going home with us?? I was excited and very scared. That night was rough as steven and I took shifts with him in the room, both of us looking to the other for what to do 🙂 We got to share a room with Lacy during this time, which some people said might be awkward, but It felt so right to us to all be together. The next day we found out he wasn’t eating right and they were going to take him to do tube feeding in the NICU. While he was there they also discovered he was jaundice and had a bit of a low resting heart rate that they wanted to monitor. He ended up being in there for about a week and we were not prepared for that. We only had clothes for a few days and weren’t planning on staying in a hotel for a week but we didn’t want to leave him. It was so nice to have Lacy there at the hospital while she was healing because it gave us peace when we couldn’t be there with him, knowing she was there. While we would never wish for him to be in the NICU, looking back I think God knew we all needed that time. Steven and I needed time to fall in to these fast roles of mom and dad and we got to fall in love with him every day we were there and got to learn how to care for him and learn his ways. And I know Lacy will tell you she is grateful for the one on one time she got to spend with him in there, talking with him and showing her love for him.
The day came for Lacy to sign the papers and I thought I would be more nervous but Lacy always made us feel very comfortable and secure in what was happening. After that it was time for Lacy to be released from the hospital and my heart was heavy and it ached for her. She knew it wasn’t goodbye but I can’t imagine the feeling of leaving a hospital after giving birth without the baby I gave birth too and had carried and loved for all that time. We knew she would be strong because she is one of the strongest people we know, but we also knew the pain would be strong. We watched her drive away and we stood outside the hospital feeling so weird that we were the only ones there now to be there for him and care for him. I think some adoptive parents would be relieved the day their birth mother left the hospital but we felt different. While we were relieved it had all gone smoothly, when she left we missed her because through this whole thing we grew to love her so deeply and always will.
We had to go home a few days before he got released because of work and it was so horrible to walk through our front door without him but we rushed back as soon as we could and luckily he was doing great and was finally ready to come home. We brought our empty car seat with us and we kept looking in the back seat thinking how weird it was that soon that seat would be filled. I can’t tell you how many times during our infertility and waiting for a baby that I would look in my backseat and dream about the day I could look back and see my baby there. And the day was here. We put him in the car and I sat with him for the 2 hour drive home checking to make sure he was breathing about 500 times. He was smiling so much on the way home and I like to think that he was just so excited to be out of that hospital and with these two crazy people who kept putting their face in his and smiling like fools in love, and boy were we in love.
Those first days were just crazy. The lack of sleep was so bad It was almost funny. You start to question all sanity for desiring this for so long but then you get up from bed, find your way over to his bassinet, and see this little face so happy to see you. Some of my favorite times with him were in those first few months in the wee hours of the morning. All seemed quite and it was just us two, and it felt so magical 🙂
I hopefully will keep more up to date because I do want to share all this with you and I also want to have something for Eli to look at when he’s older 🙂 Until next time! Here are a bunch of pictures from the hospital and our first days with him including us exhausted waiting at the laundromat and Eli’s car ride home 😉